----------------------okay.

disastr0:

Sometimes I like to just sit and look at my cuts.
Just reminds me at least something is real.
I don’t know. Im strange.

Look at my Tumblr.

sweetcinephilia:

I really hate it when people can’t just be happy for me and leave it at that.

Is for a girl I sort of know who doesn’t think she’s worth much.  For anonymity sake, I won’t say her name, but I think she knows who she is.  

You are so beautiful.  You have no idea. You’re kind and you’re smart and you have so much to live for.  I see the things you say about yourself and what you’re doing to yourself, and I feel like I’m dying inside. I may have never met you, but we’ve talked, and you were always just one of those people who I could tell that you mean something.  

Please don’t hurt yourself anymore.  That’s a lot to ask, I know, but I’ve felt like I was at the end of my rope, and hell, sometimes I even tried to just meet that end, but trust me, once you push past it, there is so much to be grateful for.  Your parents might not be there, your boyfriend (you had one last time we talked, so I’m going to assume you still do) might not always be the stand-up guy who makes you feel like you’re glowing, and your friends might be so oblivious about what you feel inside, but there are still so many people who would care if they only kept a closer eye.  People can be selfish, they can make you feel worthless, they can make it seem like nothing is worth your time, or worse, that YOU’RE not worth THEIR time.  But you are.

I bet you’re feeling like maybe doing this to yourself will put you in control, make it feel like something you do is going the way you make it go, but in the end, it only hurts more.  When someone finds out, it’s going to hurt not only you, but them.  I don’t know if this is a cry for attention or love, or anything at all that validates your stance as an important part of this world, but I need you to know that you are so important to me.  Like I said, I don’t REALLY know you, but I know how you have been to me in the past and that the things you said made ME feel important. Even if they were just kind words, I felt important because SOMEONE was talking to me.

After going through that… That feeling of self-loathing or lack of self worth, I KNOW what you feel.  It might not feel like anything is right or that anything you do is right, or that you’re maybe not good enough for anyone else, or yourself.  I know.

After YEARS of therapy, and years of self-loathing, starving myself, hurting myself, begging for control of my life and the things that happen in it, I finally know what life is like when you love yourself, and it is so sweet.  There is absolutely no reason why anyone should be allowed to feel alone or worthless, but for some reason, we all have those thoughts at one point in our lives.  Every time I’d get in my car, I’d think about how easy it would be to flip it or just drive off the next bridge… 

I know.  It hurts to feel this way, but numbing yourself isn’t going to make it any better in the long run. Yes, it gives you a momentary feeling of gratitude, but you are loved, and you are beautiful and I can understand why you do what you do, I just think you’re wasting yourself doing these things.

You are worth the world to me, even though we barely know anything about each other. You are worth my time, you are worth your time, you are worth EVERYTHING.  The best thing I can tell you, is that there is only one of you. One beautiful and amazing you, and if you take that away from us all, you’re going to destroy us.  It never feels like that when you’re alone, I know.  It feels like everything will be better without you, everyone would be happier if you just weren’t there to fuck everything up.  But that’s not true.  If you push past this, when you’re 18, when you’re 28, when you’re 80, you’ll look back at the things you’re doing now and tell yourself how beautiful life really is and how much better life can be if you just learn to love yourself.  

I can’t tell you that you’re wrong for doing it, I can’t tell you that you’re stupid, I can’t say that, but I can tell you that you are worth more than this and that this can go one of three ways. 

1. You can continue to hurt yourself and not get help and die because of it.

2. You can continue to hurt yourself until you’re caught by someone who loves you and you can get help not just because they ask you to, but because you know it’s right.  You can live the rest of your life, understanding how important you are and how amazing life really is once you just take hold of it.

3. You can stop now, not get caught, and find other things to do that give you gratitude, that don’t hurt you or anyone else, and you can make a footprint in this world that will last forever. 

It’s your call, but I love you, and I hope you get help and realize that you are never out of options, you are never alone no matter how alone you might feel, and you are always going to be beautiful inside and out because of who you are and the way you live your life.  

Love,

Someone who cares.